


Here be elephants

by elf_on_the_shelf



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Crowley is a pine tree, Crowley pulls a Crowley on himself, Ficlet, M/M, Shameless use of bad history, Short One Shot, This starts of as something and then turns into Crowley throwing heart-eyes at the angel, as things do, you know
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-02
Updated: 2020-10-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:27:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26775859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/elf_on_the_shelf/pseuds/elf_on_the_shelf
Summary: ‘I had no idea that would happen!’ he more wailed than argued. ‘Who the hell thinks elephants and Alps and deems it a good choice?’‘Well, you obviously did.’‘I was drunk, angel.’~~~~~~~Or, Crowley does whatever he does best, which is being his own biggest nemesis.
Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 20
Kudos: 36
Collections: SOSH - Guess the Author #06 "I Had No Idea That Would Happen!"





	Here be elephants

**Author's Note:**

> This thing got away from me rather quickly since it started off as crack!history and turned into Crowley being a Mess™.

Crowley was drinking sullenly in a tavern on the outskirts of the city when he felt an angelic presence draw near.

 _He probably shouldn’t be drinking_ , he thought, remembering the last time he did so and groaning loudly.

The saltwater was doing its best to both still keep him awake but also want to make him wash it away with anything else, really.

The wine in Carthage was _so_ much sweeter. _And that was the problem, was it not?_ That he was accustomed to Roman piss-wine instead of the actual thing and that he drank the amount he was used to before realising that _woop_ , he was monumentally drunk.

_That Hannibal fellow seemed a riot._

‘What did you do?’ Crowley could hear a very put-off voice and briefly wondered if the angel might actually smite him.

His face was plastered on the surface of the table.

‘Hey. Angel. Good of you to drop by. Jug of wine?

‘Crowley! What. Did. You. Do?’

‘I mmm well… might have mentioned elephants. And mountains.’

Aziraphale sat down opposite him and, even from his slouched position, Crowley could see him in all of his resplendent glory, shiny breastplate and crimson cloak and all.

He wanted to tell him then and there that he was the most beautiful thing in all creation.

_He shouldn’t be saying that, should he?_

‘I thought it would be a laugh,’ he managed to say instead.

‘A laugh.’

‘A hoot. A temptation gone wrong. You name it,’ he managed, face still stuck to the table.

Aziraphale glared at him and then cleared his throat and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

This made Crowley raise his head even if the whole joint now started spinning around them.

‘I had no idea that would happen!’ he more wailed than argued. ‘Who the hell thinks elephants and Alps and deems it a good choice?’

‘Well, _you_ obviously did.’

‘I was drunk, angel.’

That only got him another pointed glare from Aziraphale who looked absolutely spectacular in his soldier get-up.

Crowley wanted to sit on his knees in front of him and praise him for all eternity but that was neither here nor there.

The Romans should have bloody well thought about stuff like this before coming up with those honestly obscene leather skirts. Or maybe it was just the sight of angelic leg that had him so hot and bothered after being used to only seeing Aziraphale in loose-fitting robes for so long.

‘Obviously.’

Crowley realised that there was no escaping what he felt for the angel in any and all possible ways and he wanted to voice it out loud.

He didn’t.

_Of course he didn’t._

It would take him more than two thousand and two hundred years and a near Apocalypse to do that, but he could bear the wait. _Would_ , even if he didn't know it yet.

Not to mention that, indeed, his idea was monumentally stupid and he should feel rather bad at this precise moment in time.


End file.
